drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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