Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
