dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
