i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she pinky promised me she was 18
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize