Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
