Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
