The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize