you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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