is your mom at the bar?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
