Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
tell me about the fingering
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
