why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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