Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize