my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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