just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
did i walk over a car last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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