just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
