The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
