No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
