i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize