i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
