The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
