Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
