You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
