we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
