I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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