I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
