watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
