The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
