I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
