he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
