i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
