my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
