I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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