3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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