at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
