I heard we made out
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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