I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize