My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
