the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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