Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
