My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
