I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize