Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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