i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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