Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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