Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize