Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
