Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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