Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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