Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
