thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
