talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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