He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
