I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize