So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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