I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
