i was born a porn star she said
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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