I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it was like eating out sand paper
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize