So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
