so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
