there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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