Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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