If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
