how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
