I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize