Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
