i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
vagina is talking i cant
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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