I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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