Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
