I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
