You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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