if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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