you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
