Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
