I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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